i will possess your heart.

And I'm back.

I remembered Blogger from the experience I had with it my freshman year of college and I've decided to go at it again. The last post was from then and I realized how much of me has changed. No, I still have no hobbies. I dabbled in video making, but it wasn't for me. I attempt photography but it's not a skill I have.

But now I have a story to tell. Now when people ask if there's anything interesting about me I don't have to say no. I was in a music video. I made a video out of boredom, posted it on YouTube and I got to be in a music video because of it. How fantastic is that? Now there's a story to tell the grandkids.

I needed a way to pour out my thoughts, since I normally have too many. I have a problem with daydreaming. Sometimes I don't think there's enough hours in the day to let my mind wander. Sometimes I don't think there's enough hours in the day for me to actually live my life. I wake up, I wait around, I go to work, I go home, I sleep and the cycle continues.

I'm having an eventful summer. As I mentioned, I was in a music video. I was flown to New York, had the best week of my life, and then I came back to reality. You know what, it wasn't the best week of my life. I throw around "best" a lot. I'll change it to "I had an amazing week".

I leave for Italy in a few weeks, maybe even less. It hasn't hit me yet. I still have so much to be done. I should be more pumped than this, but for whatever reason, I'm not. I'm sure when the day comes closer I'll get more excited. I still don't think I believe that I'm actually going, and that I'm paying a fortune out of my bank account to go. But whatever, it's the experience of a lifetime and I can't pass it up.

I haven't spoken to "him" in over a year now. How sick is that? They broke up too and he hasn't contacted me. I want so badly to contact him, but I know I can't. It wouldn't be right. I'm over him, but my head isn't. My brain clings to him. He's in my past, but the past shouldn't matter anymore. He's done. We're done. It's done.

I've moved on. I've been asking for so long for some big things to happen in my life and here they are. I went to NEW YORK and now I'm going to ITALY but my mind just can't grasp it. I'm acting as if it's just a normal thing for such huge things to happen to me, but really my mind is just coasting through it. I want to react, but I can't seem to. When people find out about either trip they say "Oh wow, that's amazing" and I just say "Yeah". "Yeah"?!?! Really?! 2 years ago I would've been peeing myself, but here I am just reacting with "Yeah".

I want to work for MTV or VH1. I want my Pop Culture minor to come in handy.

End of story.

"What is your hobby?" That's quite the terrifying question for me. Everyone else seems to have set answers. One person in one of my classes actually said his hobby was "getting plastered". I, on the other hand, have absolutely no answer to this question. I literally have no hobbies. I once played piano, but I am no longer capable. I once played basketball and failed. I have no amazing talents. I win no special awards. I am just a normal person with no special talents.

"What is your major?" Yet another question I dislike answering. I've led Texas State to believe that I wish to be an elementary school teacher, which used to be true. I spent most of my life, from the age of 5 to 17, believing that I wanted to be a teacher. I was so wrong.

The point of this blog is to show that I'm having a difficult time finding something I'm good at. There is only one thing that I seem to be especially good at doing, and that is watching movies.

Watching movies takes absolutely no skill at all besides the capability of being quiet for a few hours, especially when you're in a crowded movie theater. One of the most difficult things to do is go to a movie with 5-10 other girls because it seems as if none of them can shut up for more than 10 minutes. Some people are "movie talkers". Whether they're talking to their friends the whole movie about things they see, or talking to themselves out loud, they're in a constant state of conversation.

I am not one of these people. I enjoy watching movies in silence, most of the time by myself, because my friends are normally saying things like "Wait, what did he say?" or "Why would he do that?". I can't take that. If it's a comedy or a movie that is supposed to be funny, I can watch it with friends, but if it's a movie that needs to be taken seriously, I have to watch it alone. All of my favorite movies are ones that I watched alone, which includes Crash, American Beauty, A Love Song for Bobby Long, Closer, and A Beautiful Mind. The original Star Wars trilogy recently slipped down to number 6. I'm sure George Lucas is heartbroken.

All for now.